tragic hero

Before the splintering of American culture, before the rise of football, before the internet and before video games, baseball was America’s pastime. It was something almost every American knew at least something about. It's what kids did after school, on the weekends and during summer. It is what adults discussed on the subway on their way to work with friends, neighbors and strangers. Finally, and possibly most importantly, when it comes down to it, Americans genuinely care about the history, the accomplishments and the meaning of baseball.

It is for this reason that legends of baseball hold so much more grandeur than that of any other professional athletes. And it is for this reason that baseball players should, therefore, play the game with the greatest amount of respect, honor and fairness. And when they don’t, it’s an assault on the game’s integrity and pureness that makes me lose hope with humanity.

It is for this reason that I am pretty sure that I do, in fact, hate Alex Rodriguez. I realize that hate is a strong word that shouldn’t be used just whenever. I really do. I do. But when a person fails so miserably at any reasonable measure of being a human, I just can’t contain resentment.

If you’re unfamiliar with the loser, I’ll give you a to-the-point biography:

He was offered a full-ride scholarship to the University of Miami, but chose instead to sign with the Seattle Mariners in 1993. After a few successful years, his head got bigger than a circus balloon and he accepted a 25 million dollar (per year) contract from the Texas Rangers. But then, Texas couldn’t build a franchise when they were paying him so much so he…. Yep, you guessed it, demanded to be traded. Now he’s living in the Bronx.

I can think of so many reasons why I feel this hatred toward him, but I’ll limit my list to five key points.

Firstly, I know athletes are overpaid. That’s how it’s going to remain, whether we like it or not. And that’s fine, but this guy is obnoxiously overpaid. He makes more money playing baseball than anyone in the world. In 2008, he made more than the entire Florida Marlins team. Why? I don’t know, it’s weird… because the teams he’s on always seem to generate more wins as soon as he leaves town.

Secondly, my disrespect for him grew exponentially when he cheated on his (now ex) wife with prostitutes and strippers. But then, he cheated on the same (now ex) wife with Madonna while they were both still married with children, and is known for ditching out on the birth of his own child so that he could practice kabbalah with her. That is beyond despicable. My goodness, just ask for a divorce or something. Currently, he’s dating Kate Hudson. And rumor has it that other Yankee wives and girlfriends hate her, and have been warned about trash talking her. Yankee management fears that it would cause a whirlwind of unnecessary gossip and negative press for the team. Ha.

Thirdly, and possibly the most disrespectful assault on the game, is the fact that he took steroids after lying about it repeatedly and wholeheartedly. And how he chose to deal with it is why I truly believe he is a terrible person. He lambasted the person who caught him, as if somehow it was her fault. And then had the nerve to justify his consumption of them by pleading ignorant and saying he was ‘young’ and ‘under pressure’. That’s cool, Alex, but first of all, you were not that freaking young and second of all, your stats and accomplishments will now forever be viewed with skepticism and suspicion.

Fourthly, he’s a jerk. This isn’t breaking news. He’ll do anything, even if it means cheating (cheating!) to win. In 2004, he lamely slapped the ball out of a Red Sox player's glove while he was running to first base. Everyone has a lapse in judgment every once in a while. Surely he learned his lesson, right? Wrong. In yet another terrible display of sportsmanship, in 2007 he distracted a Blue Jay player with a timely shout when the player was camped under a ball at third base so as to have him give up on the play. Alex said he yelled “Ha” because he was excited about running around third base.” Pretty exciting those bases are, I tell ya.

Fifth, the guy loves himself. He kissed himself in the mirror for an advertisement, for goodness sake. That is just weird. He thinks too highly of himself, and I’m pretty sure his own teammates don’t even respect or like him. His trophy case is filled with MVP honors and individual trophies and lacks any type of team award. That has to mean something, doesn't it? It has to mean something that the team (his team) that has the highest payroll in baseball hasn’t won a world series in years. It means there’s more to the game than money. Alex doesn’t get that.

As a sidenote, what stupid sports writer dubbed him A-Rod, anyway? First letter of first name. Dash. First three letters of last name. Equals. The most uncreative nickname given to an athlete. Possibly ever.

I hope that his phony lies, childish behavior and egotistical salary have made him happy. I hope you’re happy, Alex. Because your legacy lacks splendor and mystique like true heroes of the game. Your legacy will forever be tainted by lies, steroids, infidelity, pride and injustice. If that’s honestly what you feels is the most important thing in your career and in life, I’ll just go ahead and add stupid to the list.

from the mouths of babes

The following is a potpourri of quotes by a toddler who talks a lot...

Cam: Cait, you need to take off your shoes while you are inside.
Me: Oh, sorry buddy.
Cam: Please put them in mommy's cubby.

Cam: Yay! Sawyer's awake... now I can play my drums!

Me: Cam, you're such a good older brother.
Cam: I know, I tackle Sawyer all the time.

Cam: I love you, Cait. Past the moon and the stars. I'm so glad you came here.

(In the car)
Sawyer: *Babbling* Hi Dada.
Cam: No, Daddy's not here, Sawyer.
Sawyer: Hi Dada.
Cam: No. Sawyer, Daddy's not here, he's at home.
Cam: Sawyer, maybe he'll come next time.

Me: I think we should go home, have a little bit of lunch and then take a nap!
Cam: (with the utmost sincerity and genuine agreement) That is a great idea, Cait!

(Anytime he puts an item of clothing on)
Cam: It fits me perfectly!

Cam: That was bad choice, Sawyer.

And a bonus telephone call from my niece today...

Kayla: Hey Cait, we found your shoe in the garage. So if you are walking around with one shoe, we have the other one here.
Ok, noted.

And just because they're adorable,

they don't know jack

Surely you’re familiar with the new Taco Bell ‘black taco’ commercial that has been dominating the entertainment ad-cycle? Well, if you are lucky enough to have been spared a viewing of this ridiculous campaign, I’ll give you a brief synopsis:

It begins with the most annoying, overly energetic techno-beat runway music that appears to cue a deep voice to suggestively murmur “black boots” as the camera slowly introduces a pair of glossy leather boots with stiletto heels. The aforementioned voice then proceeds to seductively coo “black pants” as a black lady appears in all her feminine physique. But then comic relief appears from the far edge of the set in the form of a white, middle aged male who attempts to crash the seemingly high fashion photo shoot by waving his “black taco”.

This pattern continues throughout the 60ish second [stupid] commercial as the voice resonantly draws attention to the “black dog” and “black sheep”… all the while the goofy white guy insists on the inclusion of his “black taco” in the fabricated world of high fashion black coolness. I kept waiting for him to say “black president” and was resentfully disappointed that he did not!

Apparently we’re marketing food by color now. But really, it’s just a standard hard-shell taco with (undoubtedly hazardous for consumption) black food coloring. However, apparently (and I’m taking this with a grain of salt because who really knows…) there’s a savory pepper jack sauce on the taco in addition to the usual ingredients of a crunchy taco… Oooo, ahhhh.

I can’t even imagine my reluctance at ordering such a lewdly-named item, especially considering that a lot of Taco Bells are staffed by those with a darker hue. Hmm.

I’m just kidding. I guess it doesn’t really matter. But something about this commercial really irritates me.

Really though, the taco did not originate or descend from Africa, so calling it “black” is simply inaccurate. And I think we need to dub it the ‘taco of color’. Or, if we flashed back to the ‘70s we could call it the ‘Afro-American’ taco. Either way. Something else.

this is a wonderful sign

Come on. If the federal government can fund an illegitimate war, tap into telephone calls of Americans without a warrant and spend billions of tax dollars on the CIA’s fun activities, then they can definitely bring Arrested Development back!

Needless to say, I think I’m going to send Obama some frozen bananas and cornballs and hopefully he'll listen to the cries of his people and sort out his priorities.

the auntie diaries

Not many people become an Aunt before they’ve started Kindergarten. Even fewer are blessed with the most amazing, beautiful, and smart nieces and nephew a girl could ask for. Being an Aunt has pretty much always been a part of my life, and I honestly couldn’t picture it any other way. Seeing the world through the eyes of my nieces and nephew has taught me so much more than I could ever attempt to convey. Seeing them appreciate and marvel at life’s simple treasures and seemingly insignificant objects really puts things into perspective for me. They have a beautiful innocence about them that makes me smile. They don’t run around worrying and fretting. They only know this moment; right here, right now. They have a firm trust that anything they want to do is possible and easy to accomplish because they haven’t been weighed down by limitations and impossibilities. They are all so special to me and I love them more than anything.

Jessica May

Jess is my oldest niece. I was only 4 ½ when she was born, so in a lot of ways she’s more like my little sister. We’re very close, but we never fight or argue. We have this amazing compatibility that I just love. We laugh and appreciate the same things, we share stories and talk about life and give each other advice. I think she knows me better than just about anyone. Jess is awesome because she is incredibly driven and focused. She wants to attend UW for college and I know she’s more than capable. She’s maternal and gentle, sweet and caring. Jess is also awesome because she is a high fashion diva extraordinaire. I’m fairly certain she’s going to be the next editor-in-chief of Vogue. Sometimes it irks me because I’ll see her wearing an old shirt of mine and think, ‘Damn her, why couldn’t I get it to look like that?

Claire Christine

Of all my nieces, Claire definitely reminds me of myself the most. We have a lot of the same personality traits and we process thoughts in similar ways. It’s adorable because I’m pretty sure that at least half of the clothes she wears once belonged to me. Claire is wise beyond her years. She’s incredibly mature for her age and sometimes I feel like she wants to grow up too quickly. She’s quirky, sensitive and very dramatic. This girl is hilarious and has the best sense of humor. Also, she’s possibly the biggest air-head I know. She forgets things she shouldn’t forget and asks incredibly silly questions all the time. Air-headedness aside, though, Claire is a very talented child. She’s been endowed with these natural gifts and abilities that are sometimes difficult to comprehend. She’s basically good at everything she does. She’s a spirited dancer, amazing actress and has a beautiful voice. She will probably perform on Broadway someday.

Kayla Faith

Kayla is going to be president someday. Some of the ideas and adventures she comes up with and executes are remarkable and revolutionizing. Ever since she was little, she’s had the greatest personality and wildest imagination. I love to hang out with Kayla because she has some amazing stories to tell and is always finding ways make me laugh. She probably has the most energy out of anyone I know. During the summertime she wakes up, goes outside to play and doesn’t come home until it’s dark. Kayla is the mastermind behind some incredible schemes and thoughts. I always look forward to seeing my sister’s status updates on Facebook because they often include a brilliant piece of insight from Kayla or a naughty situation she’s gotten herself into. I have so much respect for Kayla because she's strong-willed and sticks up for herself and what she believes in. She will chase her dreams and accomplish great things one day.

Cameron Zachary

My one and only nephew. I was so happy the day I found out I was getting a nephew. And he has definitely exceeded all my expectations. He is an all-American kid. He’s only almost three years old and can pretty much do any athletic related skill. Baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis, you name it, he does it. And he does it with gusto. His other favorite things include watching Elmo, listening to music, dancing, swimming, reading books, motorcycles, animals and watching the Mariners, Seahawks and Lutes. One of my favorite things about Cam is that he is incredibly loving. It warms my heart to know that in his short little life, he’s been raised in such a way that he feels love and feels comfortable showing affection and telling people he loves them. Cam is doing preschool this Fall all by himself which I think it’s pretty impressive. He has an amazing vocabulary and can carry on a conversation. He knows how to sing the alphabet, identify colors, count, and locate places on maps.

Sawyer Marie

Sawyer is my youngest niece. Although she hasn’t been around for all that long, I’m already so in love with this little girl. For one, she looks a lot like me when I was a baby. She has such a loving and sweet disposition that just warms my heart. One of her favorite activities is being read to. She will pick out a book, lug it around, plop down in your lap and open it up. She loves trying to keep up with her older brother. She loves to explore. She loves to smile and giggle and laugh. She loves to snuggle and give hugs. She’s learning to mimic behavior and repeat words and she knows animal sounds. Her brain is developing and growing every single day, and it’s awesome to watch. I predict that Sawyer is going to be an awesome athlete, and I can’t wait.

Being an Aunt and caring about my nieces and nephew the way I do has taught me that there are more important things in life than myself and what I have going on. They have taught me to focus on why and how something can be achieved rather than why it cannot. I think we would all benefit from this type of attitude. I feel like we spend too much time and effort trying to grow up and be responsible that sometimes we lose sight of some of the most important things in life. We are too weighed down because we anticipate life’s obstacles and challenges. I encourage everyone to develop a childlike sense of wonder. Don’t be weighed down by rational thought. Believe that anything is possible. Take the time to enjoy and appreciate the simple things in life. Embrace new experiences and live in the moment.