grandpa willmer

Dealing with death is a life experience no one wants to face. And yet, it's one of the only things in life that comes with a 100% guarantee. We are alive and therefore we will die. This is the simplest, most obvious truth of our existence. No matter who we are, where we live, or what we do, death will, at some point, touch all of us in one way or another. Recently, my 86 year old Grandfather passed away. And while it certainly hasn't been easy to come to terms with, it has helped me develop an awareness of my own mortality in a way that has enabled me to embrace life for what it is and come to terms with death with a renewed sense of grace, clarity and fearlessness.

I wrote a eulogy and delivered it at the funeral service last weekend. It was, without a doubt, one of the most nerve wracking experiences of my life. But at the same time, with the love and support of my family behind me, it was something that came pretty naturally. And so, with a pounding heart and sweaty palms, but the confidence and encouragement provided by a wonderful family, I made my way past the baptismal font and up to the podium...

Anyone who knew Grandpa Willmer was surely familiar with his thick skin and sometimes gruff personality. It was those personality traits that made him seem, at times, unnerving and intimidating. But anyone who spent enough time with him soon realized that those traits weren't all encompassing of him as an individual. Right around the time I was learning to drive my Grandpa bought a brand new Volkswagen Jetta. I frequently made comments about its awesomeness, something Grandpa found pretty funny. And so, in the Summer of 2006, he asked my Mom if I wanted to accompany him on a trip to Bend, Oregon. He had some photography equipment from his father's business that he wanted to give to the historical society (or as Grandpa called it, the "hysterical society"). Like most 16 year-olds, I was hesitant at first to embark on such a seemingly uncool adventure with Grandpa. But driving Grandpa's car was a pretty good incentive and when push came to shove, I was actually pretty excited. But first, Grandpa understandably wanted to see if I was a safe enough driver. So I drove to Stayton one afternoon so that we could go on a test drive. This was more intimidating than getting in the car with the DMV employee. We were driving around town when suddenly I noticed in the rear view mirror that I was being pulled over. I tried to keep my composure, insisting to Grandpa that I hadn't done anything wrong. When the officer approached my window, he had a smile on his face. He looked at Grandpa and said, "Sir, can I ask why don't you have your seat-belt on?" As we pulled away ticket free the both of us had a good laugh about how, sure enough, I hadn't done anything wrong. For me, that moment humanized Grandpa. It made me realize that underneath the gruff facade was an imperfect person just like you and I. Also, it made me realize that the imperfections aren't whats important. It's the positive qualities - like asking your granddaughter to go on a road trip, insisting that your grandchildren wear a Santa cap and pose for Christmas photo, wearing a mask to elicit a laugh from half a centuries worth of trick-or-treaters, providing for 5 children, or unyieldingly serving nation and a community - that really make a person who they are. Lets us remember Grandpa through that lens.

They say you can learn the lot about a person's character by how he treats the most vulnerable. For Grandpa, that could be seen in his love and care for his animals. But you don't have to take my word for it about the paradox between his tough exterior and his true character ... the facts speak for themselves. What other no-nonsense, two-term mayor has a 'keystone cop' outfit and a purple scooter in his garage?

Henry James once said, "Sorrow comes in great waves...but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong, we are stronger inasmuch as it passes and we remain." Grandpa Willmer has taken the last step on his journey home and although he may be gone, he will never be forgotten. In the tomorrows still to come he will walk beside us in the sunshine and the rain. We will speak his name often and we will close our eyes and smile, because he lived.

Please, if there is one thing I ask of you, it is to embrace and cherish the moments that you are fortunate enough to spend with your loved ones.

RIP Grandpa,

Love you always,

Cait